1. You suck. But there is hope...sometimes.
And I mean it. You asked for my opinion, and I am going to give it. Honestly, but gently. No matter what you say about liking it rough, no one ever expects to be told to give up and go home. But many writers should do just that. I can't tell you how often I get asked to read something, only to cringe inwardly as I try to come up with polite, encouraging things to say. But before I tell them to take a walk and an accounting class instead, I stop myself and ask myself a few things:
- Did they finish something? If you can finish a novel, or even a short story, no matter how bad it is, then I am proud of you. For real. Go you. This puts you ahead of many others, including some really creative, amazing, talented folks. You deserve some credit. Maybe now that you have pounded out a piece of junk, you can make some time (or some space in your head) for an improved work. Maybe you will learn something from the experience, and be inspired. I hope.
- How much do they know about writing as a craft? Think of writing not as an art, but a skill to be built upon continuously. If you see that your finished masterpiece is not flawless, but a sinking miasma of dreams, tortured words, and exhausted prose, then there is hope for you yet. If you have the ability to listen to what other writers say, there is hope.
- Do they love to write? I am never ever going to tell someone to stop doing something they enjoy, even if they suck at it. But remember that writing is like masturbation: almost everyone does it, but few of us are Jenna Jamison.
As a writer, if you are asked to read someone else's work and feel that you can't refuse, here's a simple tip: everyone can benefit from constructive feedback. Even one pointer can help. And if the person has creativity, all other skills can be taught. Lack creativity or originality? See #3. You're SOL.
2. Don't quit your day job. For real. Unless you need to.
Writers design their lives around their writing. But they also need to pay the bills, live in a somewhat safe structure, and feed their families.
I live a full life. I work two to three jobs part time and lack health insurance. I also have a super flexible schedule. I get to work, albeit tangentially, in my field. All of this is designed around allowing me to spend as much time feeling creative and writing. And it doesn't always work.
The lesson here is that success should not determine how much time you devote to your work. How much you love your work in comparison to everything else is what really matters.
3. Don't go to school to be a writer.
Write to be a writer. Go to school or a workshop or a conference to get ideas, to learn to teach other writers, to make connections. These are things you can be taught, but no class, no matter how great, how famous, how dedicated and well-informed the teacher, can teach you to have talent. If you don't bring that to the table, forget it. Give up now. Go home.
Take everything you learn in a class with a grain of salt. It isn't everything there is to know, and not everything you learn is going to be true or work for you. Other writers give suggestions, not a sage truths. Sometimes they lie. Sometimes shit only works for them. Sometimes its awesome and honest and helps millions. Don't expect to be given a recipe for success by paying tuition. You can be successful without ever stepping foot in a classroom.
4. Except for that part about grammar. You need to know that stuff.
Knowing that there are editors out there does not excuse your lack of a basic education. And even those who edit professionally need a good editor for their own writing.
This is probably a good reason to go to school and study English, or at least study something. For example, in one workshop class, a kind writer friend told me I use too many commas. If we had not been in a workshop class together, perhaps I never would have learned. Was it grammatically correct? Technically. Did it sound good on the page? Probably not.
Grammar was not designed to punish you or bind you up creatively. Its there to keep your readers from screaming in agony. Relying on someone else to do this step for you is a bad idea, especially as a new writer. You are judged as much on presentation as you are on your content. We have to know and understand the rules before we scream FREEDOM!
5. Writers are idolzed for a REASON. Even if it's an imaginary reason.
Being a real writer sucks. Even being Steven King or J.K. Rowling sucks. Sure, they're successful. But you can bet there are moments where they struggled over a phrase, a sentence, or a single word.
Yet these are the writers we idolize. They are talented, they pump out a book a year, they have publishers and agents who call them back, and they make BANK.
I wish I could be like them too, but only as how I imagine them to be, perfect little balls of creative fever. Their day-to-day is similar to what I contend with, so I might as well just stick to what I know. Susannah Breslin wrote this article not to be discouraging, but to afford some realism to an often-idolized profession. It's like what I'm doing here. Not to scare you or anything, but writers only look good on the page.
6. Traditional publishing is NOT the only way to be a REAL writer.
I am a real writer. Look! See! I am writing stuff and I am breathing. That makes me a real, living writer. So what if I have self-published? Guess what? I learned a ton of things that no one could teach me until I went out and did it, with my untraditional self. Now I have interested publishers, connections, even a small audience. The practice of spitting out query after query will earn you less attention. You can do that your whole life and be none the better for it.
Maybe traditional is what floats your boat, but I am going to be flat out honest here: unless you are one in a million (which you aren't), it's not going to sustain you. It's not going to give you the reassurance to keep going through that 10,000th rejection letter. What good is your work if no one ever reads it? People are going to look at you and wonder why you aren't out there, selling yourself on the internet, on Twitter, and with your blog. Being a traditionalist gets you nowhere, and it's certainly no way to earn money. So even if you want to stay mostly traditional with your publishing approach, you will have to consider at least one other option.
And writing a blog is a better choice than shelving your work and picking up a shift at McDonalds.
7. This technique/process/method is what ______ uses and they are the best writer I know. Therefore, I will use the process and I will be just as good.
Or you will just keep sucking.
This one was a hard one for me. For my troubles, I wound up with a degree in Creative Writing. It took me years to recognize that what works for me is not going to work for pretty much anyone else. My process sucks. Sometime, I will tell you about it. It sounds like nails on chalk boards and feels like your hands after a messy peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It probably smells like absinth, obsurd, sexy, and depressing all at once. But don't ask what it looks like. Like any good process, it's invisible.
So by all means explore ways of researching, sketching a draft, and outlining your project. Ask other writers in the hopes that you can eventually write more, better and faster. Improve your process. Change it. Fuck it up. But don't become it. And don't become someone else's either.
This is one area in which there is no right or wrong. Go for broke and experiment the fuck out of it.
8. I finished my book. Can I stop now?
Are you a writer or a hack?
Take a year off. Take ten. But if you stop after just one, you were never a writer in the first place. Most likely, you were possessed.
Anyone who tells me that their magnum opus is their autobiography earns my instant disdain. Your magnum opus is ALWAYS your next book.
9. Writing lit fic doesn't make you better than me.
It makes you better at writing lit fic. Your craft at your genre is what makes you better than me. Bet I can write better smut. Do I know a thing about writing romance? Nope. So I am not going to compare your work to mine, ever. Just like I cannot duplicate your process, I can never really be better than you.
10. Writers are a community of hippy fucks. It's why I can't tell you any of this to your face.
One thing I love about being a writer is that we never have to compete for the affections of our readers. I can love Clive Barker and Catheryn Valente and neither of them loses out because of it. I buy both their books, I follow them both on Twitter. For this reason, writers are a supportive group by nature. We're always promoting ourselves and each other. Most of us read more than we write. We talk about writing to everyone, even non-writing friends. We're welcoming to even the newest, greenest hopeful.
It's why we foster so many shitty writers.
Like you.
Like me.
Its why I don't give up writing, even though some days (most days) I hate my work. I hate every dumb thing I have ever written. I am in a constant spiral of self-loathing and obsession with what I can produce.
Having a supportive community is invaluable. It's why I don't tell aspiring writers all these dangerous truths. It's why I posted them here.
